New to Dating?
I regularly meet women of a certain age who have recently come out of long relationships and are suddenly faced with dating in 2015 - and are quite literally petrified.
Having been there myself I remember thinking “wow – when I was in my early twenties I just used to meet guys, now the few that are actually single (or so they say), are just not my type at all! The great thing about being single in your thirties is that you know what you want… and what you definitely do not want!
And then a friend suggested I start online dating - apparently even the kids are doing it! I still had this stigma in my mind of lonely hearts columns. However I quickly realized that actually it was a pretty good way of specifying what you are looking for in a person and filtering out some of the no-nos.
So…. Ex-hubby gone: check, new man on the horizon: check. But what about sex? What to 2015 men expect in the bedroom? The first dilemma was the discovery that pubes are now illegal! How acceptable is it to ask friends about what they do down there? Shave, wax, hair removal cream….? I took matters into my own hands and went for a wax. Oh the pain! If this is the kind of saddist extremes we have to go through for a shag then I’m off sex! Eventually after much experimenting I settled for the hair removal cream. So pubes sorted: check.
My next question was how long are we supposed to keep the guy waiting for sex. If we jump into bed too quickly we’re a slag, if we wait too long the guy may give up waiting.
I suddenly had to ask myself…. Why am I so worried about what his expectations are anyway? What about my expectations? I don’t particularly want to be faced with a wookie groin, or have to hold out if the moment feels right. So I took on a new approach – I played by my own rules.
If I felt comfortable and relaxed with a guy I let things follow their natural course, if not I let it fizzle out of it’s own accord or put an end to it. I was lucky enough to really enjoy dating and meeting new people and just took it with a pinch of salt. However I do have friends that tell me they feel (and sometimes are) physically sick before going on a date. My only advice is the more you get yourself out there, the more confident you become.
One friend suggested that blokes could be intimidated by this approach. I don’t know if that’s true although to be fair I was single for 5 years – but I had a lot of fun and freedom, I truly got to know me, and the way I see it – only the wrong guys were put off!
The bottom line – if he likes you, he will make sure he sees you again, he will see past the fact you forgot to shave your legs and be prepared to go at your pace – whether that be fast or slow!
Do you have any dating stories you’d like to share?
Guys – please tell us what you think.