The Big Fifty Shades Debate: Abuse Or Bedroom Fun?
So I watched the film last week and was left slightly disappointed, albeit not unexpectedly. The popularity of the books was in my opinion due to the graphic written nature along with the slightly controversial dom/sub relationship made for an unusual read. Obviously the screenwriters were never going to be able to include the graphic detail in a commercial mainstream film so for me the movie was an empty shell of the books. I will hastily add that this view was contrary to the opinion of many of my friends who loved it!
However what did surprise me was some of the debates I came across following the release of the film – i.e. glorifying the control and abuse of women. I get where this is coming from (I for one am far too proud and stubborn to kneel on the floor waiting for some bloke, regardless if he is Mr Grey) however as adults we are all in control of our own choices and if people get off on role play and bondage - why the hell not? I don’t understand why the do-gooder brigade always feel the need to protect women as though we are feeble creatures that cannot make up our own minds. Yes abuse takes place, yes domestic violence goes on, and yes some women do need protecting as do some men, but these are very different cases which tend to happen on an emotional level as well physical and happen in the day to day lives of the victim, not only in the bedroom.
The likely reality of most couples consciously making the decision to try out some of the scenarios based on 50 Shades is that a) they would struggle to do so without cracking up laughing and b) most women I talk to tend to wear the trousers in their bedrooms and there would likely be a role reversal.
I understand the concerns parents may have over the influence of what message this sends to young people however it’s an 18 rated and like some horror films, we should guide young people to go by what they feel comfortable with in the bedroom in the same way we encourage them not to go out murdering people after watching a horror film!
By implying that it is wrong to act out some sexual fantasies invokes shame for those that enjoy being adventurous in the bedroom. The key here is consent, clear communication on boundaries, accompanied with safe words to ensure no lines are crossed.
Anyway I’m no expert in this area – I’d love to hear your comments. Let us know what you think. Particularly from those of you that do have teenage daughters – perhaps you could offer some advise to other parents.
In the meantime if you would like to try something new, try out our LELO Indulge Me Pleasure Set which includes silk ties, and small couple’s vibrator and a feather teaser.